ATLANTA, GA — As the much-anticipated first presidential debate of the 2024 election approaches, officials at the White House have stepped forward to caution Americans that any videos from the debate which show Biden looking confused and senile will be deepfakes.

The White House also stated that any videos depicting Biden as stammering, forgetting the names of his cabinet members, bending forward at odd times, shuffling aimlessly offstage, or standing stock-still for longer than five minutes at a time are also definitely AI-generated deepfakes.

"The president is feeling sharp and energetic as he prepares for this debate," said Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre in a press conference. "Because he is in such tip-top shape, any videos which seem to depict him as bewildered, unstable, or ineloquent are certain to just be deepfakes made to spread the far-right conspiracy theory that the president is incompetent. Just remember — if the president seems to be displaying anything less than perfect, inspiring rhetoric and logic in the debate, you're just watching a clever deepfake."

When asked for comment, President Biden stared into the abyss for several minutes and then threatened to fight a moose. Karine Jean-Pierre, however, clarified that this behavior was "just another one of those devilish deepfakes."

At publishing time, the White House had cautioned Americans that everything bad from the past four years is probably also a deepfake and we may, in fact, be living in the matrix.

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