Mayor of New York City Eric Adams was indicted yesterday on charges of bribery, corruption, and several other standard-issue activities most politicians participate in, sources confirmed. 

“I’m so glad that idiot is finally getting his,” said local New Yorker Mike Ferguson. “I’d like to see him squirm out of the 23 alleged counts of accepting illegal gifts. That’s like a career-spanning history of being completely for sale. He must not have been given very good advice from other politicians, like how to get away from that type of thing. What an idiot.” 

Adams insisted there was nothing wrong with what he’s been accused of doing. 

“Even if I did accept all of those gifts, which uh, I assure you I did not,” said Adams, addressing the public for the first time since his indictment. “Surely, that’s the kind of thing the mayor can get away with, right? Am I wrong in thinking we all assume the mayor is corrupt and taking free hotel rooms and stuff? Get with the program, people. Why are you freaking out over this?” 

As of press time, Eric Adams rolled his eyes as the list of charges was read against him.